I don't know

Arrrr....

My head feels heavy, my eyes tried and my body is weak. I don't know anymore about what is happening with my life. I am a sister at one time and then another time I switch to being a daughter then I have to change to what I do and there is no option. I don't feel I am alive. Sometimes it stress me out what if my life end here... Stops at this moment where I have done nothing to achieve my dreams. And I don't even know what are my dreams or motivation. I want to go to the forest and explore but afraid of the the wild animals. I want to loss some weight but I can't stop eating. I want to build good relation with my sisters but I keep on fighting with them... What's wrong with me? And these days it's even worst... I have even started to irritate my mom... She gets disturbed Everytime I say something or do something. I keep trying to impress all but I am just pressuring them too much. 

Sometimes I wish I could sleep for ever but what have I done so far keeps me going forward. I feel I am not good enough for the people around me that in my head I keep one running. Running aways from all these...

I am afraid of this side of myself... I don't even have anyone to share all these things... If I do they will just try to tell me to change... Like I never tried... I have been telling myself everyday that I need to change... But what is this? 

I have totally become what I am not supposed to be... 

I have become selfish because all I am craving is to be alone locked in the room inside. Stay there forever...reading, writing, exploring about the world I have never get to see. 

I don't even know what I am writing about but let me tell this is not to scare anyone or not to let anyone think that I am going to do something bad. I am just penning down my thoughts. Even if one person read this shit of mine...I would feel like I have people who.at least read and feels nothing about it. 

Life is a shit,

Some shit are In a golden pot,

Well guess I am not even near any pots. 

I feel ashamed of myself for.being who I am but deep down I am happy of who I am because at least I know truly how strong I m otherwise I won't be in this world to writ this shit about my life. 

And bla bla bla... Keep going dear Kencho...hope you will shine out of this mess which is not really a mess. It's a part of our life lesson just know that you are alive. 

Good night